More and more Americans are eating out. One of these days, these eaters will come to their senses.

It took me years to realize I was being had. Now I recommend eating home; that is, if you have someone who can actually prepare a delicious meal—as I have in my wife who has to be the best cook and baker around.

She and I were eating out, paying exorbitant prices and tipping what is expected. Then finally I confessed to her that much of the food was tasteless if not repulsive. And the prices were outrageous. When in Northern Ireland recently, we were informed that tipping is not expected. Now all the more the North American tip bit riles my anger.

Last Saturday evening, for instance, we ate at Krista’s in Cornish, Maine. The meat had no taste whatsoever. None. I tried to convince myself that the next bite would have some taste. It didn’t work. It had no taste.

The coleslaw was so insulting that I wanted to wash it down the kitchen drain.

Now when the food was delivered, it looked scrumptious. The plate was loaded. It was overflowing. But it proved to be fraudulent. The fact comes to the fore when the food touches the taste buds. When such occurred in my case, I wanted to strangle the establishment.

Thinking back over months, I conclude now that such experiences have been my lot far too many times for me to continue to be masochistic.

This evening I ate a most delicious pork chop dinner—prepared by my wife. As I took each bite, I exclaimed: “This is better than any restaurant could provide.” I was so thankful that I had come upon reality so that I simply had to repeat the refrain every time I digested a fresh morsel.

Now there is a restaurant just down the road here in Windham. It opened several months ago. There the food was presented with such flare one would have to reason it to be in taste out of this world. It was horrific.

The spaghetti was awash in water pools at the bottom of the bowl. I wondered if some live creatures were inhabiting beneath the noodle blob. The sauce was subzero in the taste department. Finally I said to the waitress that I would be sick if I took in the whole delivery. She apologized and brought me something else from the menu. It was no better.

Yet I drive past that place every day to see the cars still lined up. You see, it takes some months before the whole population comes to the truth of a newly opened establishment. So I will wait out the time.

In the meantime, I will eat home and be the wiser.

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