She’s no Howard Stern, but at times, Teresa Heinz-Kerry sounds more like a drunken sailor than a First Lady. When it comes to quotables, she’s come up with some doozies; some of which might even cause our colorfully tongued Vice President to blush. She told a reporter to “shove it,” once called Ted Kennedy a “perfect bastard,” has said that “only an idiot” would fail to support her husband’s healthcare plan, and has called herself “cheeky” and “sexy.” It seems that where the Heinz Corporation continues to outsource jobs, Heinz-Kerry outsources class. In a move that comes as little surprise, The Heinz Co. has publicly distanced itself from the Kerry camp, and more specifically, from Kerry’s outspoken and oft abrasive would-be First Lady.

But she’s a feminist! She “cares” about women! She needn’t be polished, as long she advocates abortion on demand! - When she kept her former husband, the late Republican Senator John Heinz’s sir name, Heinz-Kerry did two things; first, she emasculated John Kerry (which the militant feminists like); but, second, disappointed by failing to fulfill her PC duty to hyphenate using her maiden name. By using both of her husbands’ names, in a single unwitting act of patriarchal submission, she helped to set back the modern feminist movement.

At least she stands up for what she believes in and is not afraid to say it! - Today Heinz-Kerry is a Staunch Democrat fervently supporting her Democrat Senator husband. How very reminiscent of the day when she was a Staunch Republican fervently supporting her Republican Senator husband. It would seem that in the Kerry household, “flip-flopping” is a family affair.

So in the race for First Lady, in terms of class, it’s obvious to most; Heinz-Kerry is way behind, and is going to have to play “Ketchup” (sorry for that)…or is it Catsup? I don’t know…you say Tomato, I say Tomahto…One thing is for sure however…when it comes to putting Heinz Kerry in the White House… “Let’s call the whole thing off!”

Copyright © 2004 by J. Matt Barber

J. Matt Barber is a non-practicing attorney, an undefeated heavyweight professional boxer (Matt “Bam Bam” Barber), and a professional jazz drummer in the Chicago (IL) Land area. In addition to his Law Degree, Barber holds a Master of Arts in Public Policy from Regent University (Virginia Beach, VA). Matt is a Columnist and Contributing Editor for TheConservativeVoice.com e-news publication.

E-mail your comments to Matt, at sbarber3@comcast.net